In His Shoes
by BeckyRocks-x
Summary: Howard gets annoyed by the way his friends treat him, but will he find life in Vince's shoes any better? I bumsuck at summaries, just read it :D
1. Chapter 1

**Before my little boosh buddies organise a lynch mob, yes I do know I got the beginning dialogue from the eels episode because this is an alternate ending to what could have happened when Naboo went on Dennis's stag weekend. It will be different next chapter, this was a sorta scene setting thing D **

**Disclaimer- ****I do not own any of the stuff from the Booshiverse, the lovely Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do**

Howard walked into the Nabootique wearing bright yellow rubber gloves, having just rid the shop shutters of the phrase 'Howard Moon licks balls for money'. His best friend and work partner Vince Noir was seated near the window reading a copy of NME magazine.

Howard could not work out why people wrote that filth about him on the shop shutters- no sir, he Howard Moon certainly did not 'lick balls for money'.

Suddenly Naboo the tiny little shaman and his Gorilla familiar Bollo came downstairs form the upstairs flat into the shop. "Alright, we're off" announced Naboo. Howard took a look at the pair, noticing that Bollo had a straw sunhat and a suitcase, whilst Naboo was empty-handed. Wherever their going, Naboo seems to be travelling light, thought Howard. "where are you going?" Vince asked from behind his magazine. "Going on a stag weekend, gonna be huge" grunted Bollo. Naboo looked at the pair- Vince seemed alright but Naboo always thought Howard seemed a bit of a ball bag, so he thought he'd better check if they were going to be alright alone for the entire weekend. "Gonna be alright here, looking after the shop?" said Naboo.

"Yeah, don't worry about that, and I'll keep an eye on Vince if you know what I mean" said Howard, eager to show that he was a responsible shop keeper.

"Its not Vince I'm worried about, he's a great shopkeeper" said Naboo. Howard was appalled, what was Naboo implying? He looked over at Vince who seemed to have the attention span of a flea, who had found a toy car on one of the shop shelves. He began to play with it, running it along the counter making car noises.

"Well he's not that good is he?" said Howard, "Just look at him, he's a borderline simpleton, he's playing with a toy car!"

Naboo sighed, getting bored of arguing with Howard. "But he'll sell that car by the end of the day, look at him he's got charm, charisma.."

"So have I" said Howard defiantly.

"Big eyes, drawing people in- you're a big with small eyes, that's a creepy combo. Oh and Howard, if you're gonna branch out into any kinky sidelines can you not advertise them on the front of the shop?" finished Naboo.

Howard was really agitated by this point, and Vince giggling away at Naboo in the background really did not help.

"That's not me, that's a graffiti artist" said Howard angrily.

"No smoke without fire" grunted Bollo.

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" said Howard, (who was getting desperate by this point) "What about smoke machines?"

"Dry ice" Bollo replied, as he and Naboo left the shop to get on the luxurious stretch carpet with their board of shaman friends.

Howard sighed and sat down behind the counter. So far this had been his worst day since he had broken a valve on his trumpet and hadn't been able to play any jazz until it was fixed, well maybe today wasn't that bad but yes sir, it sure came close.

Vince saw how miserable Howard looked and thought he could do something to cheer Howard up. He racked his brains (which didn't take long) and decided he would do what Howard did whenever anybody was upset.- make tea! He skipped up to the kitchen as though his pointy silver boots had springs attached to the bottom. He put the kettle on and threw teabags into two mugs. He looked in the cupboard, but could not find any sugar. "Shit" said Vince, knowing full well that Tea without Sugar would be like himself without accessories. He rummaged around in the cupboard before finding a pot of sugar that had a label on it that said **'Property of Naboo, do not use- its bad juju'. **Vince grinned to himself- was Naboo getting possessive over things again? Vince could remember a time not so long ago when Naboo used to put similar stickers on all the yoghurts warning him and Howard that they would turn them into llamas. Vince skipped back into the shop trying not to spill tea down his dry-clean only jumpsuit.

"Hey Howard I made you a cup of tea!" exclaimed Vince happily. Howard lost his grumpiness for a moment, because it was unlike Vince to do something nice for him randomly. "Thanks little man" said Howard. They both drank a mouthful of their tea. "Arghh!" screamed Vince and Howard as a burning sensation rippled down them, quickly replaced by a feeling of dizziness. "Shit, the milk must have been a bit off" said Howard, who had fell over. Vince walked over to the mirror and screamed. He looked old, he had bad hair- **he looked like Howard! **Howard ran up behind him and looked in the mirror- He had backcombed black hair, he was dressed like a futuristic prostitute- **he looked like Vince!** They looked at each other and screamed the shop down, they screamed so loudly they scared the Hitcher away who had prepared a song about eels to sing to them. Howard looked at Vince, or should he say himself. "I think we're in the wrong bodies!" said Howard shakily.

**Just so you know, I bloody love you if you bothered to read this far down. Please review, its my first fanfic and I would love some feedback- please be nice though **

**Ly!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, Guten Tag, Bonjour and Howdy- I****'****m back ;) **

**Sorry chapter one was shorter than Naboo, but never mind this one will make up for it. This is dedicated to anybody who could be arsed to read chapter one and its set directly after chapter one. I****'****ve just realised that fan fiction makes us all like ****'****little Johnny segment****'**** dishing out stories in chunks and being ****'****juicy danglers.**

**Btw- Did you know that ****Der mächtige boosh is German for the mighty Boosh? **

**Disclaimer ****I don****'****t own any of the Booshiverse- two of the most amazing people on earth, Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do.**

**I also don****'****t own Topshop- Phillip Green does **

**I Don****'****t own jazz**

**I Don't own Gary Numan (that's where I got the lyrics from, songs 'cars' in case you didn't know)**

**Bloody hell, I don****'****t seem to own anything P**

**Anyway, enough retarded ramblings- on with the story good sirs D**

"I'm disgusting!" screamed Vince Noir, "How the hell can I go out like this!?" Howard walked over to him, tripping on the heel of Vince's silver boots that he was wearing. "How did we end up like this then? What did you put in our tea?" asked Howard desperately. They quickly closed up the shop and ran upstairs to the flat.

They ran into the flat's small kitchen, and as Vince hadn't bothered to clean up after himself earlier, Howard found the small pot with Naboo's warning clearly written on it. Howard looked at Vince (which felt like looking at himself) "I thought it would be like the llama yogurt thing!" said Vince defensively.

"Well, it obviously wasn't you berk" snapped Howard. He instantly felt guilty because Vince even managed to pull cute 'forgive me' faces with Howard's face which was weird, but Vince did look sweet. "I'm sorry little man, but it was a bit stupid to trust Naboo's magic stuff".

Vince looked over at Howard and said "I'll call Naboo, he can pop home and fix things!"

"Great idea!" said Howard. Vince grabbed his mobile and called Naboo, but all Vince got in reply was "Hi, don't leave a message because I won't reply, if its Howard or Vince calling, then if you still have enough limbs to call me, whatever problem you've got can't be that bad, bye!" Vince and Howard looked at each other- it seemed as though they would have to wait until Sunday evening to get back in the right bodies.

Howard moved over to look at the 'sugar' again, but tripped on his heel. "I'll just be a minute" he said as he disappeared into his room. Vince was struck by an idea-

"yeah, me too" he replied going into his own room. Ten minutes later they both reappeared in the living room and took a look at each other. "What the hell are you doing to me you jerk-off" Vince yelled at Howard. Howard had adorned Vince's skinny frame with some clothes more suited to a jazz maverick than an electro poof who shopped in Topshop. He was wearing beige corduroy trousers, an olive polo-neck top with a hideous floral shirt unbuttoned over the top, but the worst part was a pair of sandals- with socks underneath. Howard did know that the entire outfit was too big for Vince's body, but in his reasoning it looked good. "Only what You're doing to me!" retorted Howard, because Vince had dressed Howard's body in a red satin top, with a black belt around the waist, some trousers so tight, Howard didn't want to think how on earth Vince had gotten them onto a body such of Howard's that was considerably bigger, and a pair of pointy, heeled red boots completed the outfit.

"No way little man" said Howard, "you are not letting my body walk around like that".

"Same goes to you then, I look like a geography teacher from Leeds!" said Vince. Howard decided to ignore the fact that Vince had insulted his hometown. "Right little man" said Howard. "How about we pick clothes from each other's wardrobes so that our bodies still look normal, but we feel a bit better, yeah?" Vince looked at Howard

"Yeah, that's a genius idea actually".

They returned back to the living-room again. This time they didn't really mind what their body was wearing. Howard had dressed Vince in the loosest plain black jeans he could find, Vince's flattest pair of boots and a green electro t-shirt. Vince had dressed Howard in black jeans and a blue shirt. He had been refused Howard's permission to shave the moustache off, but had been allowed to do Howard's hair so it was more sexily ruffled up.

Vince however, had decided that Howard could not do one thing to his body-"don't you dare touch my hair!"

"What would you do if I did?" said Howard jokingly.

"Shave your moustache off maybe" teased Vince.

"NO!" yelled Howard, "men of action can't have bald upper lips, we'd be laughing stocks!"

"So if you didn't look like geography teachers from Leeds you'd be laughing stocks?" asked Vince.

"What is your problem with Leeds?" asked Howard.

But Howard never did get to find out what Vince's problem with Leeds was because Vince's phone rang. Vince leapt towards it and answered it, hearing the familiar lisp he mouthed "its Naboo" to Howard.

"Hi Naboo"

"What do you want"

"Erm, well, Howard seemed down, perhaps his ball-licking job isn't goin' too well or something, but he seemed down so I made him a cup of tea and I used your sugar stuff and now we're in the wrong bodies" burbled Vince.

"Oh yeah, My shaman-swapper-sugar"

"yeah, whatever, just fix us"

"Its not urgent, Just wait a few days and I'll be home"

"But" protested Vince

"I'm on holiday you jerk-off, I can't just pop home"

"But your carpet…"

"Bye Vince" interrupted Naboo.

"Ball bag" muttered Vince. "He can't be arsed to pop home so we're stuck like this all weekend, and I was gonna go to Leroy's party!" Howard looked at Vince, he hardly thought that a party was their biggest concern at this moment in time.

"We still could go, I suppose" said Howard. Vince dived at him and gave him a hug in appreciation. Howard winced, he hated being touched.

"Yay" exclaimed Vince, who by this point was bouncing around the flat. "But don't show me up or anything, you have too look good and act like me, or all my friends will think I'm a twat"

"You need real friends, friends that don't care about appearance, friends like Lester Corncrake!" declared Howard.

"No way, he's a right jerk-off and the only reason he doesn't care about appearance is because he's blind!"

"So what, I don't care, because I'm not shallow, but you on the other hand are very much that way inclined sir!"

"Whatever Howard, but I'm going now because I need a wee"

"You can't do that! Not in my body"

"Do you expect me to wait all weekend then?"

"No, but I don't want anybody watching my private bodily functions"

"Well then" said Vince who had already walked over to the bathroom door.

However, a good idea had struck Howard. He got a record out of his pile- Dizzy Gillespie, maybe when Vince in his own body was allergic to jazz, but in Howard's body, surely he couldn't resist the smooth bebop. Howard was glad to find that whilst he was in Vince's body he could still listen to jazz.

"That's awful, turn it off!" said Vince emerging from the bathroom. Vince turned Howard's bebop off, and replaced it with something of his own- Gary Numan.

_Here in my car, I feel safest of all_

_I can lock all my doors, it's the only way to live_

_In Cars_

_Here in my car, I can only receive_

_I can listen to you, it keeps me stable for nights_

_In Cars_

_Here in my car, where the image breaks down_

_Will you visit me please, if I open my door_

_In Cars_

_Here in my car, I know I've started to think_

_About leaving tonight, although nothing feels right_

_In Cars_

Howard looked disbelievingly at the dancing Vince, although it looked like a dancing Howard which as seemed quite strange, because Howard wouldn't dream of dancing to electro, but with jazz it was a different story altogether, he could slip into a trance at the drop of a hat sir. He strode over to Vince's CD player and turned it off. "Hey!" protested Vince "I was listenin' to that!"

"Vince, we have more important things to worry about, how are we going to not look strange at Leroy's party, I just can't show off like you do"

Vince looked at Howard.

"I know how to solve that problem, We're going Topshopping"

"We're going what?"

"Shopping, in Topshop, we can get clothes for tonight"

Vince grabbed his keys and bounced out of the door, leaving a reluctant Howard to follow on behind him, after all, he couldn't have Vince making a berk of him could he? So Vince and Howard left the flat, Howard feeling overdressed and awkward in Vince's body and clothes like a small child dressed in costume onstage, about to forget his lines in front of an audience.

**More random scribblings of a mental child to come people ;)**

**Thanks to SparkieSteph and Chugirl2526 for reviewing chapter one so quickly after it came out, and big hugs to everyone who favourited and added me to story alert**

**Becky xx**

**Hit the review button :D**

**You'll enjoy it ;)**


	3. Topshopping!

**Hi, I'm back as you can see **

**Big thanks to all reviewers, and people who story alerted and favourited, it makes me happy D**

**This is dedicated to all who did the above Big hugs to you lot **

**Sorry it took me a while to update, I have bloody end of year tests, German orals and that kind of shit. This is probably my worst chapter, so if you think its crap, just pretend it didn't happen.**

**Disclaimer: ****As of yet, I don't own The Mighty Boosh, but hopefully I will one day. **

**I don't own Topshop but I would quite like to,**

**I don't own the various jazz musicians I mentioned either, I got them of wikipedia.**

**I've got a line from unnatural acts in there, well done to anyone who can spot it.**

Howard watched from behind, as Vince bounced out of the flat in Howard's hi-top black converse. Didn't he know what he was doing to Howard? Vince looked okay acting like an excited puppy, but when he was doing it in Howard's body he looked downright ridiculous.

"Vince!" Howard realised the mistake he had made, as an elderly neighbour gave him a strange look- he was supposed to be Vince now. "Act like me, I don't act like a puppy, I walk like a real man, I'm a man of substance!"

"Sorry Howard, but you have to act like me too, stop walking all hunched over like a crab, I don't do that!"

Howard almost couldn't help not standing up straight. He was looking at the floor because he felt like everybody was looking at him and it just made him feel uncomfortable because he just wasn't used to it.

They both walked into the town centre, as it was only a ten minute walk away. Howard was not looking forward to going into Topshop. It was one of his least favourite shops, and he would have to be dragged in there with Vince who would probably make him try on clothes for when they were in their own bodies.

As Howard and Vince walked through the shopping centre Vince spotted a group of leggy rocker girls. Howard looked on in horror as Vince approached them, forgetting he looked like Howard. Howard knew how it was going to end, it had happened to him with nearly every girl he had ever met in his life.

"Hi," said Vince grinning at the girls, one hand on his hip.

"Are you lost or something? Because the trumpets are in the music shop over there" said one of the girls, as the rest giggled. "Oh, hi Vince" she said quickly turning her attention to Howard. "You going to Leroy's party tonight? But just make sure you don't take your dad to that as well!"

"Yeah, I am" said Howard. "And he isn't my dad, we're the same age!"

"Don't worry about them, you don't really look old enough to be my dad" said Vince reassuringly to his friend, who was touched by what Vince had said- it wasn't often that Vince was the one reassuring Howard, it was usually the other way round.

"It was hard for me as well, that's the first time I've ever been rejected in my life, now I know how you must feel!"

Howard's feelings of affection were now gone, he'd thought what Vince had said was strange, Vince would never give Howard a compliment completely free from insult.

The maverick and the electro poof entered into Topshop. Vince picked up a black jacket and held it up against himself.

"That's not your usual sort of stuff Vince, but its quite nice though" remarked Howard.

"Glad you think so" said Vince happily. "Its for you, for when we're in our own bodies and stuff"

"No way!"

Vince put the jacket on. Howard just stared, it made him look really good.

"Actually, I think I'll buy it" said Howard.

Vince grinned at him, lighting up Howard's face.

Vince looked around the shop, grabbing armfuls of brightly coloured clothes. Howard knew what was coming next-

"Howaaarrd" said Vince.

"What?" said Howard, although he knew what the question would be.

"Can you try these on for me so I can see what they look like to other people and stuff?"

Howard and Vince walked over to the changing room, where the assistant, who looked bored out of her mind pointed them over to an empty changing room. Howard went inside and looked at the things he had to try on- glittery, colourful, tight things. He put the first outfit on, (tight black drainpipes and a pink top with coloured splatters) and immediately felt like a complete berk. He stepped out of the booth, and Vince scrutinised the outfit from every angle, before deciding that he would put it on the 'yes' pile. Howard put the next outfit on. Vince had to be kidding him.

"I'm not coming out in this, I look like Old Gregg"

Vince pulled the curtain open. Howard was wearing a black tutu, with different coloured sparkly threads running through it.

"I like it" grinned Vince, "I might even get one in the right size for your body so I can wear it tonight"

" No way, you wouldn't dare"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'll take your arms off gently, it'll tickle, but then I'll punch the stumps!" said Howard.

"Whatever, just put it on the 'yes' pile, the transsexual look might come back in"

After what seemed to Howard like several hours of torture in the Topshop changing rooms, Vince bought five large carrier bags of clothes and Howard bought the black jacket and some T-shirts that Vince helped him to choose. Vince half skipped home, whilst Howard staggered (Vince had left him to carry the bags.) When they arrived at their flat Howard tried to manage holding the carrier bags and find his keys at the same time.

"Hurry up!" said Vince desperately.

Howard detected the desperation in his friend's voice- he didn't honestly need the toilet again? but soon found out he didn't-

"We only have four hours left to get ready for the party!"

**Next chapter should be up soon. I'm just a little loaded down with school work.**

**Please press the little review button. He says that he's sorry for hitting ButtonsMagoo back when she hit him, and he promises he won't do it again.**


	4. Getting Ready!

Hi people

**Hi people **

**I've decided fuck revision for exam week, I'll write a chapter instead.**

**Massive hugs to everybody who favourited/added to alert/reviewed, it makes me happy- This chapters dedicated to you **

**I'll add a disclaimer because I can't afford to be sued, I'm skint.**

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own the Mighty Boosh or any of the Booshiverse; I'm still working on that one. On the other hand I'm glad I don't own Speedos. I also don't own Head and shoulders, Topshop, or any of the other things like that I've mentioned. I do own Becca, Emma and the stuff that happens though.**

Howard and Vince walked into the flat.

"Tea?" asked Howard, "I don't trust you to do it again- look what mess it got us in!"

"Whatever Howard!" said Vince, kicking off Howard's converse and sitting on the sofa, legs tucked underneath him. "Yeah, I will have tea"

"What's the magic word then?" said Howard, as if he was talking to a toddler.

"I don't know, abracadabra?" asked Vince.

"I meant please" said Howard, sighing exasperatedly. Living with Vince was like having a six year old child to look after.

Howard soon returned into the living-room, with two cups of tea and the two men sat together on the sofa.

"Howard" asked Vince, "can I go for a shower, I really need to wash your hair before I can actually do anything with it- it needs some volume boosting shampoo, because it's like brown smoke at the moment".

No sir thought Howard- Vince couldn't see him naked in the shower!

Unless…

"Yeah, sure you can, on one condition"

"What's that then?" asked Vince, but Howard had already darted off into his room and returned with a pair of Speedos.

"No way! Speedo rhymes with Paedo for a reason Howard! Only Paedos wear Speedos! **(AN- Paedo as in paedophile)**

"Yeah well, I'm not having you of all people seeing me completely naked!"

"Ok then, Mr Pervert, I'll wear em"

"Good"

Vince drained his tea and went off into the bathroom. Howard tried not to think of the possibility that Vince might not be wearing the Speedos. Howard knew he had some time to kill because Vince always took forever in the bathroom, so he went into Vince's room- he was Vince now, so technically he was allowed in uninvited. He sat at Vince's dressing table and stared at his reflection. It seemed strange, looking at a reflection completely different to what he had been looking at for his whole life. He opened the one of the two large boxes that sat on the dressing table, it was full of hair products like root booster and Naboo's miracle wax. He wondered to himself how many hair products one person needed, when Howard Moon managed to look perfectly good using nothing but Head and Shoulders shampoo on his hair. He closed the box and looked at the next one, although he already had an idea what it was. He opened it and was correct. It was Vince's makeup. There were lots of different colours and brands of eyeliner, mascara, eye-shadows and concealer sticks. Howard certainly hoped Vince wouldn't expect him to wear any of it to the party, as men of substance-even ones who were in the bodies of electro poofs, did not wear makeup.

He closed the box up, and noticed something he hadn't before- a framed picture. He picked it up and looked at it, it was of the day he and Vince had gone to the beach. He and Vince were grinning, Vince's hand holding on to the cowboy hat he was wearing to stop it blowing away. Howard smiled at the fact that Vince had a framed copy of the picture and at the memories of that trip to the beach- They had even made up a crimp about fish and had sung it, ignoring the strange looks other people were giving them. Maybe his little friend was not as self-centred as Howard had though.

Howard hear the shower turning off, so he put the picture down, left Vince's room, sat on the sofa and picked up the nearest magazine to him. Vince finally emerged from the bathroom, wearing a dressing-gown.

"I'm gonna go get dressed and stuff, I'll make you look good- my friend Becca's mate Emma is gonna be there and I think she likes you!"

Howard's eyes lit up- "Really!?" he asked eagerly.

"Well not really, but I think she will do, when I've dressed you up!"

"What's not to like, most girls would love a jazz maverick like me"

"Whatever Howard" said Vince grinning. "Get dressed in some of my new stuff, and I'll come and do your hair. "I'm not letting you touch it with your inexperienced hands"

Howard selected some red drainpipe jeans, and a black shirt from one of the bags. The jeans weren't really his thing, but they were one of the few items that didn't have sequins or glitter on them, and in his opinion they were far better than the tutu Vince had made him try on earlier that day. He found a pair of Vince's lowest black boots (they were almost flat, so Howard was able to walk in them.) Vince walked into the room, and said "I was gonna knock but then I thought it was stupid because I'd only catch myself naked, which I have seen before, but you're changed so that's good."

Howard took a look at Vince. Vince had made Howard's body look amazing. He was wearing some black shoes, a pair of jeans, a new T-shirt that they had found in Topshop earlier that day, and the black jacket they had gotten in Topshop. Vince had also styled Howard' wispy brown hair, adding extra thickness to it with root booster, and ruffling it up, so that it was sexily tousled.

"Wow, I look good!" said Howard looking at Vince.

"Getting a little big-headed are we?" asked Vince teasingly. Come here, I wanna do your hair and stuff."

Howard sat down in front of the mirror while Vince straightened, sprayed and ruffled his hair.

"You know what Howard?" asked Vince

"What?"

"Its loads easier to do my hair when it's not attached to me"

Howard sighed. He hoped Vince wouldn't want to switch bodies every time he did his hair, which was an awful lot.

"Right, I'm just gonna put some of this on you" said Vince pulling out an eyeliner pencil.

"No way am I wearing that little man!"

"Yes you are- I'll just put a little bit on you"

Vince drew two neat lines under each of Howard's eyes, making Howard feel absolutely ridiculous.

"Shall we go then?" said Howard, "its half seven now, we can get there for about eight"

"Yeah alright" said Vince, as Howard grabbed his keys, and the pair left the flat for Leroy's party.

**Another chapter finished **

**I just have to say that the 'magic word' thing was based on a conversation me and Isobel had in graphics once. Can I also point out that I made up the picture of Howard and Vince on the beach- I didn't get it from a picture I've already seen.**

**Next chapter should be up soon, please hit the review button it makes me happy **

**Becky xx**


	5. Party!

**Hi **

**Much lovvage to all who reviewed/favourited/ added to alert. You make me happy.**

**Now I've failed my exams I can write a chapter D**

**As with all the other chapters, I****'****ll add a disclaimer because I don****'****t want Noel and Julian to set Charlie on me and make my life a hubba-bubba nightmare.**

**Disclaimer ****I don****'****t own any of the Booshiverse, the gorgeous, talented Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do. I don****'****t own the song I've used, its 'turn it up' by Robots in Disguise, because I've had it in my head all week.**

**This is dedicated to Stars Of Andromeda for showing me the best picture of Noel and Julian I have ever seen, and to StoriesWithoutSlash, because this is the first story she has ever reviewed.**

**Me thinks this will be a long un' **

**Becky xx**

**Party**

**(not the episode, you plum preserves- the chapter)**

"C'mon then little man" said Howard, as they walked out of the flat, "the taxi's waiting". The two man got into the taxi, and looked at their driver, who looked remarkably like Bob Fossil.

"Where you taking your girlfriend then?" asked the driver, looking at Vince (who now looked like a jazz maverick). Vince knew his body looked a little (well maybe a lot) feminine, but it annoyed him every time somebody said it.

"HE'S not my girlfriend, and we're going to Elliot street"

"Whatever" said the taxi driver, in his thick American accent.

Vince turned to Howard and grinned, "You might even be able to get a girl tonight!" said Vince, "But don't go starting that don't touch me stuff, yeah?"

"When Howard Moon crosses the physical boundary, there's no going back sir!"

"Well you'd better hurry up and cross it then hadn't ya!"

"Vince, I've told you, I'm waiting for somebody special who likes trumpets, jazz and bookmarks!"

"Bookmarks? What's so great about bookmarks?"

"Without bookmarks, how would you know what page of your book you was on?"

"Easy, you'd fold the corner of the page down!"

"That's a violation of library property sir!"

The car suddenly braked, causing Vince and Howard to ping forwards, before their seatbelts pinged them back into their seats**. (AN- always wear a seatbelt if you****'****re in a car with any character played by Rich Fulcher)**

"That'll be eight euros"

Howard paid the driver, and they walked up to Leroy's house,

"Ready for this?" asked Vince, as he banged on the door as loudly as he could.

"You tryin' to break the door down or something?" asked Howard.

"No" said Vince simply, "Leroy always has loud music at his parties".

Leroy answered the door with a cry of "VINCEY!"

Howard quickly realised that Leroy was supposedly speaking to him as he was supposed to be Vince now, so he replied, a little awkwardly with "Hey, Leroy.. How's it going?".

"Great!" said Leroy, "C'mon in!".

Vince and Howard walked into Leroy's house. Wow, thought Howard. Vince was definitely right about Leroy's music, it really was loud.

_I woke up weak today and needing your voice_

_Crawled into the speakers and turned up the volume_

_Felt so sick today but cured by your noise_

_My head in the speakers is drowning out volumes_

_In "Ashes To Ashes" I'm falling falling_

_In "Ashes To Ashes" I'm losing losing_

_In "Curl" and "Grazes" I'm feeling feeling_

_In "Curl" and "Grazes" I'm losing losing _

_Turn it up turn it up turn it up turn it up_

_Turn it up turn it up turn it up turn it up_

_Turn me on!_

"Wow! Said Vince, "I love this song!" as he bounced off to dance. Howard couldn't be bothered to correct Vince and tell him that he, Howard Moon did not shake his arse around to that kind of music. Instead he went over to the table where the drinks were, and grabbed himself one- he had a feeling he would need it.

"Hi Vince" said a girl with light brown hair, who was wearing a black mini-dress with blue glittery stripes on it, and who had just interrupted Howard from his thoughts.

Howard looked at her, and realised that he knew this girl, she hung around the shop sometimes chatting to Vince. But what was her name?

"Oh hi.. Jessica!"

She grinned, obviously proud that the person that she thought was Vince Noir, had remembered her name.

"D'you wanna go and dance?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah, sure" said Howard.

As Howard moved over to the dance floor, he noticed that Vince had already found a group of girls, and was dancing with a pretty one with curly brown hair and glasses. Howard awkwardly started to dance with Jessica, whilst trying not to make Vince look like a berk, as Vince seemed to be doing quite well not making Howard look stupid.

Somehow, Vince even managed to have a group of girls with him at all times, even in Howard's body. Howard was hardly surprised, Vince had natural charm and charisma that just made people want to be around him. Vince had even managed to light Howard's eyes up, the way he did in his own body.

Howard noticed that Vince was already snogging Emma (the girl he was dancing with) in a corner. Great. Howard was having his first kiss and was not even be in his body to experience it.

Never mind, he thought, Jessica seems to like me.

"D'you wanna go get a drink or something?"

"Yeah, Ok Vince"

Howard got two drinks and passed one over to Jessica.

"Thanks"

"Shall we go outside, get some fresh air or something?" asked Howard, as he was beginning to get a headache from the amount of indie and electro playing out of Leroy's remarkably large speakers.

"Yeah"

Howard couldn't think of anything remotely Vince-like to say to her. Before he could stop himself the words he had been trying not to say came out.

"Do you like trumpets?"

Howard winced as soon as the words escaped his mouth. She was going to get away from him, and Vince was going to kill him.

"Yeah! I used to play one, but I moved on to Horn"

"Really! Wow"

Howard was amazed, he had found a girl who liked trumpets!

She leaned in. Howard knew what was coming. He kissed her, his first time and it was everything he had always hoped it would be, even if it was in Vince's body.

They stayed outside for around an hour, until they heard cheering coming from inside.

"What on earth is going on in there?" asked Jessica.

"I haven't got a clue" replied Howard.

"Lets go in and find out!"

Howard and Jessica went back inside Leroy's house. Howard's jaw hit the floor at the sight of what was going on inside. Vince, had managed to get Howard's body incredibly pissed, and he was dancing on the table, in true Vince style, hips and bum wiggling. The worst part was, he was doing it in Howard's vest and pants.

"Oh shit" said Howard looking at his body dancing away to a cheering audience.

"He looks ridiculous!"

Jessica looked at him.

"Maybe you'd better take him home" she said.

"I think that's the best idea" said Howard. When he got back in his own body, he was never going to live this down, an he was going to be known as 'the guy who dances on tables at parties' unless somebody thought of something more inventive to call him.

Howard quickly called for a taxi, hoping he wouldn't get the strange American driver again. He was told he would be there in 20 minutes. Now he had the hard part of getting Vince home- dragging him off the table. This would normally have been easy, Vince being a small slip of a man, but now Vince was in Howard's body and Howard was in Vince's small skinny body.

"C'mon Erm.. Howard, we're going home now okay?"

"No, I wanna stay here and dansch" slurred Vince.

"Aw, leave him alone Vince mate, he's having fun!" said Leroy.

"C'mon" said Howard, "Lets go for a dance outside, yeah"

"No Howard, leave me alone"

"Aw, he is pissed, he can't remember your name" said Jessica.

"I have more alcohol out there" said Howard trying to tempt Vince out.

"Ok then" said Vince, jumping off the table and nearly falling off of it.

Howard grabbed the clothes that Vince had gotten rid of, and had somehow forcibly gotten them back on to him, like a parent trying to dress a protesting toddler. Howard looked at his watch- 12:30, the taxi shouldn't be too long. Howard just sighed, and looked up at the moon.

"_When you are the moon, You don't go to parties much, but I went to one once and they all said get away! So I got Jupiter to munch them up. I'm the moon."_

Suddenly, a screech of brakes brought Howard back to his senses and he stopped staring at the alabaster retard.

"You comin' or what?" said a voice.

Great. Thought Howard, as if things couldn't get any worse, but now he had the strange, creepy American man driving them home again.

Howard helped Vince into the car, and climbed in through the other side.

"Where you going then?" asked the obnoxious little American man.

"The Nabootique, its on the high street" replied Howard.

The driver drove off with a sudden burst of speed. Maybe it would have been a better idea to have called a different taxi firm. Howard could see the driver dancing in his seat to the car's radio. - surely it was against health and safety regulations sir!? Vince was slumped against the side of the car, the effects of his drinking seeming to be soaking in. Howard just hoped that the hangover would be gone by the time he got back into that body.

Eventually, the taxi screeched to a halt at the shop. Howard helped Vince back out of the car. He didn't know why though, he should have just left the embarrassing little bugger in there, it might have taught him a lesson, but Howard felt unable to leave his best friend (and his own body) in a taxi with a strange man who would probable rape him and chuck him in a bin.

Howard got his keys out of one of his trouser pockets (which was quite hard as those red drainpipes were just so tight.) Howard climbed the stairs, while Vince followed, but fell down after getting halfway up. He sat there, on the stairs giggling. Howard sighed. "C'mon Vince" he said as he helped Vince up the stairs, "I think its your bedtime little man"

"Okay Howard, whatever you say" slurred Vince.

Vince went into his room and flopped on the bed fully clothed. Howard decided he didn't want to sleep in tight red drainpipes, so he went over to Vince's drawer and got a pair of pyjamas out. He went into his own room and got changed into them. He thought he'd better check on Vince, so he went back into Vince's room. Vince was asleep, fully clothed with his shoes on, so Howard pulled Vince's shoes off and pulled the duvet under him. Howard felt ridiculous, like he was Vince's mum or something.

Howard went to his room, took off the eyeliner Vince had put on him earlier an went to bed. He slept for a few hours and heard a thunder of feet running across the landing. He had a feeling he knew what was going on. He went over to the bathroom and found Vince leaning over the toilet.

"Howard" he said between retches, "I'm dying"

"Don't exaggerate little man, you've just got a hangover"

"Exactly I'm dying"

But Vince was unable to say anymore a he continued to be sick. Howard pushed Vince's hair away from his face and mopped him up when he was finished.

"Why do you do this for me Howard?" asked Vince. "I'm a total jerk off, I've traded you for a shiny cape, broke your jazz record, made you be my slave in a loincloth when we went to the fountain of youth- I'm a complete tit!"

Howard looked over at his friend.

"Vince, I do it because you're the best friend I have, I care for you"

Vince smiled weakly at him.

"Night Howard"

"Night Vince"

**That was a bloody long un' D**

**I thought I'd leave a nice short ending.**

**Next chapter will be up when I've finished my German Orals **

**Please review, it makes me happy! **

**D**


	6. Sunday Morn

**Hi,**

**I know I haven't uploaded for a while, but I've been busy, and had writers block.**

**Big thanks to anyone who reviewed.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own any of the Booshiverse, it all belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt, but I will own them one day, hehe. **

**Dedicated to ****Rockchick182101 for writing me into her fic 'crazy little thing called love' (I end up in a cupboard kissing Noel Fielding)**

**Sunday Morning.**

(Yeah, I'm SO imaginative at naming chapters, as you can see.)

Howard stretched and sat up in bed. He hoped that yesterdays events would all just be a dream, surely it was impossible to swap bodies with your best friend, and even more impossible for Howard Moon to find a girl that liked trumpets.

Howard got out of bed, and closed his eyes. He edged towards his mirror to check his reflection, before nervously darting away from it.

"I'm Howard Moon, man of action, of course I can look in a mirror sir!" said Howard trying to reassure himself.

Howard looked in the mirror. Yes, everything was most definitely not normal. He had raven hair, sticking up at all angles and big blue eyes. He pinched himself, hoping that he was asleep. Nope, that just hurt and made him realise that he was definitely still stuck in the body of a certain Vince Noir.

He decided he would give the shower a miss, as he really didn't want to see Vince's body completely naked. He couldn't go into Vince's room because he was still asleep, so he went over to the clean laundry pile, of stuff that hadn't been put away yet, and got some underwear, drainpipes and a white t-shirt with coloured squares on it, and got dressed.

Howard sighed, and decided he would go and make some breakfast.

He walked through the flat and into the kitchen. He decided he would make a fry up for himself and Vince, because he wanted his body which Vince was currently trapped inside, to feel lots better, as he didn't want to be greeted by a headache when he finally got back inside his body.

Howard made a cup of strong coffee for Vince and a cup of tea for himself. He decided to take Vince's breakfast through to him, because he thought it would be easier to bring it to him, than drag him out of bed.

He tapped on the door and let himself in.

"Vince, I made you some breakfast" said Howard, looking down at a strange curled up lump in the duvet. Vince uncurled himself and popped his head out from underneath the duvet.

"Did Bollo tap-dance on my head last night or something? 'coz it feels like it" said Vince, as he took a gulp of his coffee.

"Urgh, that's disgusting" he spluttered.

"No its not, and besides, it'll make you feel better"

"But its brown and it has no sugar or anything!"

"Just drink it, I'm not going back into a body with a headache"

"When's Naboo coming back then?"

"Sometime later today, He'll probably be completely stoned when he comes back"

"He'd better be not-stoned enough to switch us back, I miss my hair!"

"I think its too much bother"

"Your hairs not enough bother"

"What?"

"You can't do anything with it!"

"Whatever little man" said Howard, hitting Vince gently on the shoulder on his way out.

Howard went over to the table and ate his breakfast. He decided he would call Naboo and ask him when he would be back. He picked up the house phone and dialled Naboo's mobile.

"Err, Hi Naboo"

"Hello" lisped Naboo.

"Its Howard here"

"Howard you ball bag, I told you I'm coming home later, and now Tony Harrison's gonna make me drink a turban full of tequila for having my phone on a stag weekend!" Said Naboo as he hung up on Howard.

"Charming" said Howard.

"What's charming?" said Vince emerging from his bedroom, having just gotten dressed.

"Naboo hung up on me"

"Did he tell you when he's coming home?

"No, he just said that he's coming back later, and apparently Tony Harrison's gonna make him drink a turban full of tequila for having his phone with him!"

Vince looked over at Howard.

"How can Tony make anyone do anything? He's a weird head with no arms or legs!"

"Maybe he has special abilities of some kind?" suggested Howard.

"Whatever he has, he's bloody freaky"

Howard definitely had to agree with that one.

"We'd better open the shop up, Naboo will kill us if we don't open up at all this weekend"

"Yeah alright then" said Vince, as the pair went downstairs to open up the Nabootique.

**Sorry for the uneventful chapter, but please review, it makes me happy.**

**Becky  
xx  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi,**

**I'm really sorry I haven't updated in ages, I've been ill with something called 'writer's block'.**

**Sorry about the lack of events, its more a focus on Howard and Vince's friendship and emotions.**

**This is nearly the end, there will be one or two chapters after this. **

**Please read and review **

"Remind me why we opened the shop on a Sunday morning" asked Vince.

"Because we didn't open up yesterday, and we need to be in Naboo's good books so he'll change us back as soon as possible" replied Howard.

"My head hurts though, and I need a little sleepie, I might go back upstairs." said Vince rubbing his head.

"Its your fault for getting drunk last night, and staying down here with me is the least you can do for embarrassing me last night!"

"What did I do? I can't remember!"

"You danced on a table in your underwear, and to make matters worse, it was my body getting humiliated, not yours!"

"Oh yeah" grinned Vince.

"Its not funny, its not a good thing. That was pure humiliation sir!"

"Yeah, well now people think you're a party animal, you might get invited to more stuff now"

"Yeah, so I can keep people entertained by doing little dances!"

"Exactly!"

"But that's not a good thing is it, I'm Howard Moon, man of action, men of action don't do little dances on tables like performing monkeys, do they Vince?"

"Whatever Howard" said Vince resting his head on the counter, the green lights shining around his face.

"Don't go to sleep you lazy berk, if a customer comes in it won't look very good will it?"

"Fuck the customers, I'm tired"

"Don't talk about the customers like that, we should value them sir! It's them that keep you in ridiculous outfits!"

"Whatever" yawned Vince.

Howard picked a copy of 'Global Explorer' off of a nearby table and began to flick through it.

"Urgh, Bainbridge is in here again"

"Why do you buy it then, I thought we'd seen the last of him and his ridiculous moustache when we left the zoo!" Vince pointed out.

"I still get it, because the rest of it, the bits Bainbridge aren't in, are good, it's a quality magazine- a magazine of substance!"

The shop door opened, as two girls who were Vince's friends walked in. As Howard hadn't successfully sold any of the jazz LP's yet, he thought he might turn on the old Moon charm and sell some.

"Ladies, you might be interested in these rare jazz LP's, we have a very wide choice and variety of jazz musicians"

"Oh my God, look at the size of his head!" said one girl, as she picked up a Larry 'big face' Headerson record.

"That's Larry 'big face' Headerson, the biggest face in bebop"

"Vince, what's the matter with you today, you're all weird, you sound like your creepy mate" said the second girl, looking over in Vince's (who they thought was Howard) direction.

Howard realised he had landed Vince in the shit with his friends, and tried to undo his work.

"Erm, nothings the matter with me today, it was just a little joke!"

"Whatever, later Vince" said one of the girls, as they both left the shop.

"Well done Howard, you jerk-off! You've ruined my chances with them now!"

"You made my body dance on a table in it's underwear!"

"Fair point" grinned Vince.

"Shall we just close up shop before we cause ourselves any more trouble?" suggested Howard.

"Best idea you've had all morning" grinned Vince, as they locked up the shop and went upstairs.

"Howaarrd?"

"Yes little man?"

"Can we watch a film?"

"Oh, go on then" said Howard. "I'll just make a cup of tea, want one?"

"Yeah, please Howard"

Vince grabbed his favourite DVD- 'Colobus the Crab- the movie' and settled himself on the sofa.

Howard entered the room, carrying two steaming mugs, and settled himself down next to Vince.

"Howard, its hard being you"

"It's hard being you too, you have so many people's names to remember, and your hair takes ages to do. Oh, and everybody stares at you because of what you're wearing"

"Yeah Howard, but when I'm being you, people are just so mean, they don't give you a chance, but they should because you're a great friend"

Howard felt a sudden rush of appreciation for Vince, it wasn't often somebody said something sweet like that to him.

"You're great too Vince, you're my best friend, you complete me"

Vince snuggled into Howard's side, and they watched their film, falling asleep in each other's arms halfway through.

**One more chapter to go!**

**Bit of a shame really, I've enjoyed writing this fic.**

**Please hit the review button. You may develop a new kind of love for each other, you never know.**

**Becky**

**xx**


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